This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
