Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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