ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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