everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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