Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
