epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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