dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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