I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
