I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
