I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
