i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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