Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.

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(804): View more from Virginia

i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive

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(315): View more from New York

He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(509): View more from Washington

Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life

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