Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
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I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
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Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry