thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
