Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.