I think my vagina is haunted
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?