So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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