plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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