look no pants
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.