Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
