my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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