Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
