Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
