Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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