Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
