why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
