My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
