I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
