not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
