He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
