Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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