On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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