hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
