I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
