Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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