I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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