I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No I am not eating basil off your cock
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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