i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
