"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
