whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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