All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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