dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
