So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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