There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
