i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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