By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
