So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
