Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
