Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize