After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
