A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
