Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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