Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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