your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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