the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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