just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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