Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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