it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
