That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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