my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
