You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
