Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
