Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
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Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
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Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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