We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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