I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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