you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize