She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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