I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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