She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
