Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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