I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
