Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
