How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
