The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
