Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize