I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
