I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
