I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
