Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There are leaves in my underwear?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
