a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize