Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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