Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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